In the Spirit of MUST

 Today I went to Avila Beach with my siblings and a family friend. I decided to try something new...boogie boarding (I think that is what it is called). I have never in my life put on a wetsuit much less gone in the ocean with it. Though I was scared as hell...today was a neat experience. Once I became a little comfortable with the waves I got over some of my fear. The key learning experience here is that nothing becomes normal or comfortable until you try it! 

            

                                         

I'll try to upload a video of the experience...

THE CROSSROADS BETWEEN SHOULD AND MUST

Where are you in relation to the crossroads, and which way do you see yourself headed? 

• Should is how others want us to show up in the world — how we’re supposed to think, what we ought to say, what we should or shouldn’t do. It’s the vast array of expectations that others layer upon us. When we choose Should the journey is smooth, the risk is small.
• Must is different—there aren’t options and we don’t have a choice.

       I have been living a life of should for seventeen years! There have definitely been some gleams of must, but not enough to convert my life to it. All of my life has been fulfilling expectations for others and for myself. These expectations are things that I should do in order to some day do what I must do.

      In relation to these two roads I am on the edge of the cliff looking down and trying to figure out how I could safely get down to the must platform. The really confusing thing to me is what the hell awaits me in this must platform? 

       I have been doing what I should for so long that I have been blinded from what I must do. I do not plan to be a should person for the rest of my life, but I do plan to be one until I figure out how my should relates to my must, or if they even relate at all. I have faith that the dots will connect and that my calling will come when it is meant to come. However that does not mean that I will be doing what others expect of me all the time. I am consciously aware that I like working and helping people. I am also aware that what I plan to pursue in my life/career is not going to make me some sort of millionaire and famous person. That does not disturb me. What really bothers me is that my should wants me to be that. my should wants me to make money...I am not my should. The people around me are my should.

I have not found all of my must but I am headed there. I want my career to represent who I am and my life in general. I want my must to be my career and my career to be my must. I leave this duty to my awareness and to time for they both know when and how I will find my calling.