I wish I did it for the growth not for the grade

I am tired and burnt out. My motivation to finish the school year with good grades or at least descent grades are not for some paper called a diploma that somehow validates who I am. My motivation is my provisional acceptance to San Jose state.

You know how I know that I am burnt...I am playing the game. I am playing the system. I am not learning I am passing by. I study, I work hard, I am a great student, but I have lost the love for school. Actually I am not sure if I ever liked it, far less ever loved it. The first emotion that comes with the word school for me is STRESS and HATE. I realize that education is valuable and I am so very lucky to have one in America. I also realize that school has taught me to accommodate to situations. If I have to pass a test or class I have to study for it. Basically what that means is cram all you can the day before...after the test forget everything! I am tired of being labeled as "smart" because I have a high percentage in a class. I hate schooling! It has taught me to LEARN FOR THE MOMENT but NOT FOR A LIFETIME. I am programmed to get stuff done for a grade. I am encouraged to follow the rules, and not to question the system.

I love learning...actually learning. Educating myself and others because we want to...NOT FOR A GRADE BUT FOR GROWTH!

I am burnt and now you know why.