After reading six essay I have come to the conclusion that there are things I do well and others that I can work to better. As I read over some of my peers essays I noticed that some of them got lost in thought and started to summarize just like I tend to do sometimes. I also learned that I need to use more of my vocabulary words and literary terms. I was very glad to see that we all answered the prompt, and had a point to prove in the essay.
Lindsey- Wow! What an essay! I often found myself thinking, “why didn’t I do that?” or “oh that’s really good.” The prompt was not only addressed but also present in the whole essay. It was very clear and the use of vocabulary was good. I was most impressed with the easy flow of the essay and the comparisons between their world and ours, and also between Bernard and us. (I had no idea how to post this on your Tumblr)
Jacob- I really enjoyed reading your essay because though our topics were similar you approached this essay in a different way. First of all nice work! The introduction that you created for Bernard really set the atmosphere of the essay and that is always good to have. Solid intro. Your thesis is very straightforward and to the point…something I find very troubling. Something I can also work on that you did great on is incorporating literary terms. Nice Job!
Java- Nice Job! Your essay was very informative. I enjoyed that you brought up the similarities of Bernard’s character and people in our world today. Connections like these are vital in AP essays. That is definitely something I will keep practicing in my own writing. I am not sure if it is just me, but I feel like there is a lot of summarizing going on. Other than that it was good. ☺
Marisol- Good Job! I enjoyed reading your approach to the essay. Kudos to you for mentioning that Bernard truly is the closest the reader gets to a real human person. I feel like I knew where you were going, but got a little lost in the process, maybe less summarizing and more of your ideas… Anyhow you did a good job on comparing humans of our world with Bernard and the other characters.
Amara- Nice Job! The fact that your essay prompt was different than all the other essay’s I have read made me very happy! In your essay you dive right into what you are going to talk about, no fluff, just facts. I have trouble doing that sometimes so kudos to you! I also liked how you added examples from the text to support your essay. Very well written, and I know you stopped at 50 minutes, but reading more of it would be very interesting! ☺
Lesther- You have very good ideas and great thoughts that tie into your prompt very well. One thing I would suggest is to get to your main idea a little quicker. No worries that is something I myself have to work on. The structure of the essay was a little shaky, but I honestly think this is a great and interesting topic that you can tackle! I wish you luck! Nice job so far.
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