My SUPER 5 are...
1. Mrs. Byrne
2. Stanford
3. Dalai Lama
4. My dad
5. Miranda Nillo
I am in the process of contacting these people and letting them know what I am up to with my masterpiece.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
MY TEAM
My masterpiece revolves around Compassion and how people view it and practice it. As I went around the room I found myself making connections very quickly with my peers.
Nakesha is doing her masterpiece on living but not existing. I found this to fit in perfectly into Compassion. As David Foster Wallace mentioned in his speech "This Is Water" we are the fish in the water not knowing what water is. We are so caught up in our world, we are so worried about living that we do not remember to actually exist. We do not remember to actually practice compassion.
Kendall is working with Rachel and Becky for her masterpiece on Body Image. I find this topic can also be easily tied into compassion, because it relates to learning how to love yourself just the way you are and your body. I believe that we as a society need to be more understanding and compassionate about how we portray body image. If the world were more understanding about this pressing issue maybe we would have less girls with eating disorders!
Kylie and many others are working on their living scrapbook masterpiece. Their goal is to have fun, do things that they might have missed out on in the past, and make great memories with each other. I think this project captures a bit about what compassion is about because each week one person is going to teach the group how to do something for example surfing...etc. Kylie also mentioned that on their blog/website they will be posting quotes, pictures, and motivational things. These uplifting acts are certainly part of being a compassionate person.
Lindsey and others are working on blowing stuff up! That sounds a little dangerous and totally irrelevant to compassion, but it is not to quite off. In fact Lindsey and her group will be practicing compassion. Her group and her know and understand how tough and stressful this year has been. By acknowledging this fact they are practicing compassion. Together they want to feel better and get rid of their stress by blowing watermelons up and just having a good time together. Compassion...it is in there.
The path toward my Masterpiece (Resources)
1. Stanford University's
CCARE (The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education)
http://ccare.stanford.edu/tag/ccare/
http://neuroscience.stanford.edu/research/programs/nsccare.html
2. CCARE Blog:
http://ccare.stanford.edu/blog/
3. The Center Of Engaged Compassion-Claremont Lincoln University
http://cec.claremontlincoln.org/
All of the websites above are absolutely amazing! I have taken some of my time to browse around on them and I am very impressed and exited that people are taking notice that compassion is needed and should be practiced. Stanford has done an incredible job because they go deeper into compassion than just the surface. They study the science and psychology of compassion. It is very interesting and can be very surprising. Something I really enjoyed about Claremont Lincoln University's website is the fact that they have articles based on events of compassion. Their consistent articles really make you think about the question or topic that is being adressed. These websites can help me on my masterpiece, because I can become educated not only on compassion on the surface, but at a deeper level. The constant flow of information in these websites is great! There is always something to learn! I want to gain a better understanding of compassion so that I may be able to give the best possible representation of what compassion is and how to practice it through my masterpiece.
Website Coming soon:
http://yolo_compassion.wix.com
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
LAUNCH
What I have been working on:
Thank you to my table group for helping me and giving me ideas! Miranda Gomez, Maria Luna, Izamar Diaz, Nakesha Willis!
1. What am I passionate about? What do I want to do?
Something that I have always found very fulfilling and I enjoy doing is helping others, motivating others or making people laugh, and smile. I want to do that for the rest of my life. I know this is will be easy because we are interdependent, and we need each other. I want to tie my passion for helping others with my growing curiosity of how compassion works and how people practice it. I want to remind people of how we live our daily lives wrapped up in our own world that we forget to be kind and compassionate.
2. How can I use the tools from last semester (and the Internet in general)?
In many ways I use the Internet to communicate and collaborate with others. Through media I was able to add a video to my compassion project. Through the Internet I was able to share my ideas and my peers’ ideas and thoughts on compassion. The blog for this course has allowed me to become comfortable and familiar to the Internet and sharing my ideas and work on it than I ever was before. This semester I plan to collaborate with Miranda Nillo on my project and get more ideas and thoughts from different people, from different ages, and from different places.
3. What will I need to do in order to "feel the awesomeness with no regrets" by June?
By June I will have finished the Compassion Project with input from various age groups, a better understanding of compassion, and a eye-opening video that will make people jump out of their seats and want to practice being compassionate. I am still gathering my thoughts on how I am going to do this, but I am very exited and I can’t wait to get back on the job.
4. What will impress/convince others (both in my life and in my field)?
If this video project could actually get people to practice being more compassionate would be wonderful and very impressive. I am not quite sure what else would be impressive. I mean maybe if it could become a commercial or something of that sort.
5. How will I move beyond 'What If' and take this from idea --> reality?
I honestly have no idea. All I want is for this project to be seen by people and to make a tiny difference in them, to influence compassion, to trigger a feeling of kindness, or to make someone smile. Once I have the final hard copy of the project I will probably put it up on the Social Media like my blog, Facebook, and You Tube.
6. Who will be the peers, public, and experts in my personal learning network?
Everyone that I ask for their opinions and thoughts will be in my learning network. I am learning from everybody. I am learning that compassion means very different things to many different people. I am learning from adults, teenagers, and children, from all ages and all ethnicities. Miranda Nillo and I will be collaborating to make this project happen.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Literature Analysis #2/Sem.2
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
1. Briefly summarize the plot of the novel you read according to the elements of plot you've learned in past courses (exposition, inciting incident, etc.). Explain how the narrative fulfills the author's purpose (based on your well-informed interpretation of same).
The novel takes place in rural Georgia during the early twenties, when race and sexism was very much alive, especially among the African American Community. The novel consist of Celie’s letters addressed to God. The reader finds out about everyone and everything mostly through Celie’s eyes. A women who is hopeless and conformed with her way of living. Through Celie the reader is able to view how women were treated during this time period, and how the African American race struggled as well. We are taken on this journey from Celie’s childhood to her adulthood and how she is living in present day. The reader meets characters like Albert mostly identified as Mr._ Celie’s husband/partner, Nettie her younger sister, Shug a friend/singer/ Albert’s love, Harpo Albert’s older son, Sofia, and others. Throughout the novel the reader is able to see African American women with distinct personalities such as hopeless and desperate women like Celie, strong and feisty women like Sofia, educated women like Nettie, and famous woman like Shug. The men treat the women as if they were the lowest thing on earth, yet the man are treated the same by the Whites if they are African American. The novel enhances life in these difficult times.
2. Succinctly describe the theme of the novel. Avoid cliches.
The theme of the novel is sexism and racism toward the African American community.
3. Describe the author's tone. Include a minimum of three excerpts that illustrate your point(s).
The tone in the novel is very sincere and honest. Everything that is being said is stream of consciousness. Celie, the narrator is brutally honest.
Ex1) Pg.106 “Just a slap now and then when he ain’t got nothing else to do.”
Ex2) Pg.116 “Shug laugh and laugh when he got anything to say. Show teef and tits aplenty. Me and Grady try to carry on like us civilize. But it hard. When I hear Shug laugh I want to choke her, slap Mr._ face. All this week I suffer. Grady and me feel so down he turn to reefer, I turn to prayer.”
Ex3) Pg.109 “She say, I love you, Miss Celie. And then she ahul off and kiss me on the mouth. Um she say, like she surprise. I kiss her back, say, um, too. Us kiss and kiss till us can’t hardly kiss no more. Then us touch each other.”
4. Describe a minimum of ten literary elements/techniques you observed that strengthened your understanding of the author's purpose, the text's theme and/or your sense of the tone. For each, please include textual support to help illustrate the point for your readers. (Please include edition and page numbers for easy reference.)
Ex1) pg.1-Foreshadowing: “She went to visit her sister doctor over Macon. Left me to see after the others. He never had a kine word to say to me. Just say you gonna do what your mammy wuldn’t. First he put his thing against my hip and sort of wiggle it around. Then grab he grab hold my titties. Then he push his thing inside my pussy. When that hurt, I cry. He start to choke me, saying you better shut up and git used to it.”
Though this excerpt can be considered I say it also foreshadows misfortune, danger, and wrong, because it is presented to the reader on the very first page of the novel.
Ex2) pg.10-Point of view: “I feel bad sometimes Nettie done pass me in learnin. But look like nothing she say can git in my brain and stay. She try to tell me something bout the ground not being flat. I just say, yeah, like I know it. I never tell her how flat it look to me.
Ex3) Pg.99-Exposition: “Well, say Sofia, I was so use to sitting up there next to her teaching her how to drive, that I just naturally clammed into the front seat. She stood outside on her side the car clearing her throat. Finally she say, Sofia with a little laugh, This is the south. Yes ma’am, I say. She clear her throat, laugh some more. Look where you sitting, she say. I’m sitting where I always sit, is say. That’s the problem, she say. Have you ever seen a white person and a colored sitting side by side in a car, when one of ‘em wasn’t showing the other one how to drive it or clean it?”
In this excerpt of the novel we are exposed to the way the time period regulated what certain people could and could not do.
Ex4) Pg.106-Mood: “He ain’t beat me much since you made him quit, I say. Just a slap now and then when he ain’t got nothing else to do.”
The mood of the novel is hopeless, conformist, and desperate.
Ex5) Pg.108-Imagery: “But one time when mama not at home, he come. Told me he want me to trim his hair. He bring the scissors and comb and brush and a stool. While I trim his hair he look at me funny. He a little nervous too, but I don’t know why, till he grab hold of me and cram me up tween his legs…After he through, I say, he make me finish trimming his hair.”
Ex6) Pg.108-Flashback: “It hurt me, you know, I say. I was just going on fourteen. I never even thought bout men having nothing down there so big. It scare me just to see it. And the way it poke itself and grow.”
Celie is having a flashback of the time she was raped at fourteen years old.
Ex7) Pg.87-Stream of consciousness: “Dear God, Us all sit round the table after supper. Me, Shug, Mr._, Squeak, the prizefighter, Odessa and two more of Sofia sisters. Sofia not gon last, say Mr._.
The whole book is under stream of consciousness because Celie is writing to God.
Ex8) Pg.93-Lyric: Squeak sings,
“They calls me yellow
Like yellow be my name
They call me yellow
Like yellow be my name
But if yellow is a name
Why ain’t black the same
Well, if I say hey black girl
Lord, she try to ruin my game.”
Ex9) Pg.22-Pathos: “Harpo ast his daddy why he beat me. Mr._ say, cause she my wife. Plus, she stubborn. All women good for-he don’t finish. He just tuck his chin over the paper like he do. Remind me of Pa. Harpo ast me, How come you stubborn? He don’t ast how come you his wife? Nobody ast that.”
Ex10) Pg.1-Speaker: “DEAR GOD, I am fourteen years old. I am I have always been a good girl. Maybe you can give me a sign letting me know what is happening to me.”
CHARACTERIZATION
1. Describe two examples of direct characterization and two examples of indirect characterization. Why does the author use both approaches, and to what end (i.e., what is your lasting impression of the character as a result)?
Indirect:
Celie-Pg.22: “I say, just born that way, I reckon. He beat me like he beat the children. Cept he don’t never hardly beat them. He say, Celie git the belt. The children be outside the room peeking through the cracks. It all I can do not to cry. I make myself wood. I say to myself, Celie, you a tree. That’s how come I know trees fear man.”
From Celie’s speech the reader knows that she has conformed to her way of living. She has accepted the beatings and racism because that is all she knows.
Shug-Pg.20-21: “Buy Celie some clothes. She say to Mr._ .
She say. It’s all right, Celie. You deserve more than this.”
In this excerpt of the novel we are presented with how sweet and tender Shug can be. She believes Celie is mistreated and she only wants the best for her.
Direct:
Celie-Pg.20: “He look at me. It like he looking at the earth. It need something? His eyes say.”
The reader automatically know that by the way Mr._ treats Celie and how she conforms to everything she is a total rag doll. Her clothes is used, and very old. In fact she goes on to say how she has never had a dress made just for her ever before. Celie is described as poor and underdressed.
Shug- Pg.19: “Then she start having babies. And she young and pretty. Not so pretty, say Carrie, looking in the looking glass. Just a head of hair. She too black…say she wearing dresses all up her leg and headpieces with little balls and tassles hanging down, look like window dressing.”
We know that despite Shug’s nice moments in the novel, she is very different to what the women in the town are used to. She is different, therefore she is judged.
2. Does the author's syntax and/or diction change when s/he focuses on character? How? Example(s)?
For the most part the syntax and diction is consistent throughout the novel and the characters. The only unusual thing is that the language is African Slang so it can be difficult to decipher some words. The biggest difference is diction is probably between Shug, Sofia, and Celie. Shug and Sofia have a much stronger and aggressive way of speaking rather than Celie’s soft voice and calm word choice.
Ex1) Pg.30-Sofia: “She say, Naw, Harpo, you stay here. When you free, me and the baby be waiting.”
Ex2) Pg.108-Celie: “Soon talk about making love. Shug don’t actually say making love. She say something nasty. She say fuck.”
Ex3) Pg.111-Celie: “Wake up sugar, I say. They back. And SHug roll over, hug me, and git out of bed.”
In these three examples alone we know that Sofia is a tough women and she is very brave, Shug can be vulgar at times and very liberal, and as for old Miss Celie she is blindly ignorant, sweet and like a child.
3. Is the protagonist static or dynamic? Flat or round? Explain.
The protagonist Miss Celie is definitely a round character because she begins as this shy and uneducated women and ends up to be more independent and confident with her thoughts. As the novel progresses the reader is able to tell that not only is Celie letting her past go, but also growing as a strong African women. Shug is very helpful when it comes to helping Miss Celie find her identity and that freedom that she needed for so long.
4. After reading the book did you come away feeling like you'd met a person or read a character? Analyze one textual example that illustrates your reaction.
The fact that almost each page in this novel begins with Dear God, makes me feel like I am reading a diary, something very personal of whom it pertains to. In this case this novel is all about Celie and her life experiences. Every single page in this novel is an example of Celie’s reality. As the reader I was introduced to Celie’s innermost thoughts and actions, some of which I felt uncomfortable with and did not want to read of. Through Celie’s actions and words I got to know what she really is all about. What made me feel like Celie was alive and not just a character was actually the first page, because right of the bat I was introduced to her life and her struggle and it made me want to go back and time and help her…
Ex1) “DEAR GOD,
I am fourteen years old. I am I have always been a good girl. Maybe you can give me a sign letting me know what is happening to me. Last spring after little Lucious come I heard them fussing. He was pulling on her arm. She say It too soon, Fonso, I ain't well. Finally he leave her alone. A week go by, he pulling on her arm again. She say Naw, I ain't gonna. Can't you see I'm already half dead, an all of these chilren.
She went to visit her sister doctor over Macon. Left me to see after the others. He never had a kine word to say to me. Just say You gonna do what your mammy wouldn't. First he put his thing up gainst my hip and sort of wiggle it around. Then he grab hold my titties. Then he push his thing inside my pussy. When that hurt, I cry. He start to choke me, saying You better shut up and git used to it.
But I don't never git used to it. And now I feels sick every time I be the one to cook. My mama she fuss at me an look at me. She happy, cause he good to her now. But too sick to last long.”
1. Briefly summarize the plot of the novel you read according to the elements of plot you've learned in past courses (exposition, inciting incident, etc.). Explain how the narrative fulfills the author's purpose (based on your well-informed interpretation of same).
The novel takes place in rural Georgia during the early twenties, when race and sexism was very much alive, especially among the African American Community. The novel consist of Celie’s letters addressed to God. The reader finds out about everyone and everything mostly through Celie’s eyes. A women who is hopeless and conformed with her way of living. Through Celie the reader is able to view how women were treated during this time period, and how the African American race struggled as well. We are taken on this journey from Celie’s childhood to her adulthood and how she is living in present day. The reader meets characters like Albert mostly identified as Mr._ Celie’s husband/partner, Nettie her younger sister, Shug a friend/singer/ Albert’s love, Harpo Albert’s older son, Sofia, and others. Throughout the novel the reader is able to see African American women with distinct personalities such as hopeless and desperate women like Celie, strong and feisty women like Sofia, educated women like Nettie, and famous woman like Shug. The men treat the women as if they were the lowest thing on earth, yet the man are treated the same by the Whites if they are African American. The novel enhances life in these difficult times.
2. Succinctly describe the theme of the novel. Avoid cliches.
The theme of the novel is sexism and racism toward the African American community.
3. Describe the author's tone. Include a minimum of three excerpts that illustrate your point(s).
The tone in the novel is very sincere and honest. Everything that is being said is stream of consciousness. Celie, the narrator is brutally honest.
Ex1) Pg.106 “Just a slap now and then when he ain’t got nothing else to do.”
Ex2) Pg.116 “Shug laugh and laugh when he got anything to say. Show teef and tits aplenty. Me and Grady try to carry on like us civilize. But it hard. When I hear Shug laugh I want to choke her, slap Mr._ face. All this week I suffer. Grady and me feel so down he turn to reefer, I turn to prayer.”
Ex3) Pg.109 “She say, I love you, Miss Celie. And then she ahul off and kiss me on the mouth. Um she say, like she surprise. I kiss her back, say, um, too. Us kiss and kiss till us can’t hardly kiss no more. Then us touch each other.”
4. Describe a minimum of ten literary elements/techniques you observed that strengthened your understanding of the author's purpose, the text's theme and/or your sense of the tone. For each, please include textual support to help illustrate the point for your readers. (Please include edition and page numbers for easy reference.)
Ex1) pg.1-Foreshadowing: “She went to visit her sister doctor over Macon. Left me to see after the others. He never had a kine word to say to me. Just say you gonna do what your mammy wuldn’t. First he put his thing against my hip and sort of wiggle it around. Then grab he grab hold my titties. Then he push his thing inside my pussy. When that hurt, I cry. He start to choke me, saying you better shut up and git used to it.”
Though this excerpt can be considered I say it also foreshadows misfortune, danger, and wrong, because it is presented to the reader on the very first page of the novel.
Ex2) pg.10-Point of view: “I feel bad sometimes Nettie done pass me in learnin. But look like nothing she say can git in my brain and stay. She try to tell me something bout the ground not being flat. I just say, yeah, like I know it. I never tell her how flat it look to me.
Ex3) Pg.99-Exposition: “Well, say Sofia, I was so use to sitting up there next to her teaching her how to drive, that I just naturally clammed into the front seat. She stood outside on her side the car clearing her throat. Finally she say, Sofia with a little laugh, This is the south. Yes ma’am, I say. She clear her throat, laugh some more. Look where you sitting, she say. I’m sitting where I always sit, is say. That’s the problem, she say. Have you ever seen a white person and a colored sitting side by side in a car, when one of ‘em wasn’t showing the other one how to drive it or clean it?”
In this excerpt of the novel we are exposed to the way the time period regulated what certain people could and could not do.
Ex4) Pg.106-Mood: “He ain’t beat me much since you made him quit, I say. Just a slap now and then when he ain’t got nothing else to do.”
The mood of the novel is hopeless, conformist, and desperate.
Ex5) Pg.108-Imagery: “But one time when mama not at home, he come. Told me he want me to trim his hair. He bring the scissors and comb and brush and a stool. While I trim his hair he look at me funny. He a little nervous too, but I don’t know why, till he grab hold of me and cram me up tween his legs…After he through, I say, he make me finish trimming his hair.”
Ex6) Pg.108-Flashback: “It hurt me, you know, I say. I was just going on fourteen. I never even thought bout men having nothing down there so big. It scare me just to see it. And the way it poke itself and grow.”
Celie is having a flashback of the time she was raped at fourteen years old.
Ex7) Pg.87-Stream of consciousness: “Dear God, Us all sit round the table after supper. Me, Shug, Mr._, Squeak, the prizefighter, Odessa and two more of Sofia sisters. Sofia not gon last, say Mr._.
The whole book is under stream of consciousness because Celie is writing to God.
Ex8) Pg.93-Lyric: Squeak sings,
“They calls me yellow
Like yellow be my name
They call me yellow
Like yellow be my name
But if yellow is a name
Why ain’t black the same
Well, if I say hey black girl
Lord, she try to ruin my game.”
Ex9) Pg.22-Pathos: “Harpo ast his daddy why he beat me. Mr._ say, cause she my wife. Plus, she stubborn. All women good for-he don’t finish. He just tuck his chin over the paper like he do. Remind me of Pa. Harpo ast me, How come you stubborn? He don’t ast how come you his wife? Nobody ast that.”
Ex10) Pg.1-Speaker: “DEAR GOD, I am fourteen years old. I am I have always been a good girl. Maybe you can give me a sign letting me know what is happening to me.”
CHARACTERIZATION
1. Describe two examples of direct characterization and two examples of indirect characterization. Why does the author use both approaches, and to what end (i.e., what is your lasting impression of the character as a result)?
Indirect:
Celie-Pg.22: “I say, just born that way, I reckon. He beat me like he beat the children. Cept he don’t never hardly beat them. He say, Celie git the belt. The children be outside the room peeking through the cracks. It all I can do not to cry. I make myself wood. I say to myself, Celie, you a tree. That’s how come I know trees fear man.”
From Celie’s speech the reader knows that she has conformed to her way of living. She has accepted the beatings and racism because that is all she knows.
Shug-Pg.20-21: “Buy Celie some clothes. She say to Mr._ .
She say. It’s all right, Celie. You deserve more than this.”
In this excerpt of the novel we are presented with how sweet and tender Shug can be. She believes Celie is mistreated and she only wants the best for her.
Direct:
Celie-Pg.20: “He look at me. It like he looking at the earth. It need something? His eyes say.”
The reader automatically know that by the way Mr._ treats Celie and how she conforms to everything she is a total rag doll. Her clothes is used, and very old. In fact she goes on to say how she has never had a dress made just for her ever before. Celie is described as poor and underdressed.
Shug- Pg.19: “Then she start having babies. And she young and pretty. Not so pretty, say Carrie, looking in the looking glass. Just a head of hair. She too black…say she wearing dresses all up her leg and headpieces with little balls and tassles hanging down, look like window dressing.”
We know that despite Shug’s nice moments in the novel, she is very different to what the women in the town are used to. She is different, therefore she is judged.
2. Does the author's syntax and/or diction change when s/he focuses on character? How? Example(s)?
For the most part the syntax and diction is consistent throughout the novel and the characters. The only unusual thing is that the language is African Slang so it can be difficult to decipher some words. The biggest difference is diction is probably between Shug, Sofia, and Celie. Shug and Sofia have a much stronger and aggressive way of speaking rather than Celie’s soft voice and calm word choice.
Ex1) Pg.30-Sofia: “She say, Naw, Harpo, you stay here. When you free, me and the baby be waiting.”
Ex2) Pg.108-Celie: “Soon talk about making love. Shug don’t actually say making love. She say something nasty. She say fuck.”
Ex3) Pg.111-Celie: “Wake up sugar, I say. They back. And SHug roll over, hug me, and git out of bed.”
In these three examples alone we know that Sofia is a tough women and she is very brave, Shug can be vulgar at times and very liberal, and as for old Miss Celie she is blindly ignorant, sweet and like a child.
3. Is the protagonist static or dynamic? Flat or round? Explain.
The protagonist Miss Celie is definitely a round character because she begins as this shy and uneducated women and ends up to be more independent and confident with her thoughts. As the novel progresses the reader is able to tell that not only is Celie letting her past go, but also growing as a strong African women. Shug is very helpful when it comes to helping Miss Celie find her identity and that freedom that she needed for so long.
4. After reading the book did you come away feeling like you'd met a person or read a character? Analyze one textual example that illustrates your reaction.
The fact that almost each page in this novel begins with Dear God, makes me feel like I am reading a diary, something very personal of whom it pertains to. In this case this novel is all about Celie and her life experiences. Every single page in this novel is an example of Celie’s reality. As the reader I was introduced to Celie’s innermost thoughts and actions, some of which I felt uncomfortable with and did not want to read of. Through Celie’s actions and words I got to know what she really is all about. What made me feel like Celie was alive and not just a character was actually the first page, because right of the bat I was introduced to her life and her struggle and it made me want to go back and time and help her…
Ex1) “DEAR GOD,
I am fourteen years old. I am I have always been a good girl. Maybe you can give me a sign letting me know what is happening to me. Last spring after little Lucious come I heard them fussing. He was pulling on her arm. She say It too soon, Fonso, I ain't well. Finally he leave her alone. A week go by, he pulling on her arm again. She say Naw, I ain't gonna. Can't you see I'm already half dead, an all of these chilren.
She went to visit her sister doctor over Macon. Left me to see after the others. He never had a kine word to say to me. Just say You gonna do what your mammy wouldn't. First he put his thing up gainst my hip and sort of wiggle it around. Then he grab hold my titties. Then he push his thing inside my pussy. When that hurt, I cry. He start to choke me, saying You better shut up and git used to it.
But I don't never git used to it. And now I feels sick every time I be the one to cook. My mama she fuss at me an look at me. She happy, cause he good to her now. But too sick to last long.”
I, JURY
After reading six essay I have come to the conclusion that there are things I do well and others that I can work to better. As I read over some of my peers essays I noticed that some of them got lost in thought and started to summarize just like I tend to do sometimes. I also learned that I need to use more of my vocabulary words and literary terms. I was very glad to see that we all answered the prompt, and had a point to prove in the essay.
Lindsey- Wow! What an essay! I often found myself thinking, “why didn’t I do that?” or “oh that’s really good.” The prompt was not only addressed but also present in the whole essay. It was very clear and the use of vocabulary was good. I was most impressed with the easy flow of the essay and the comparisons between their world and ours, and also between Bernard and us. (I had no idea how to post this on your Tumblr)
Jacob- I really enjoyed reading your essay because though our topics were similar you approached this essay in a different way. First of all nice work! The introduction that you created for Bernard really set the atmosphere of the essay and that is always good to have. Solid intro. Your thesis is very straightforward and to the point…something I find very troubling. Something I can also work on that you did great on is incorporating literary terms. Nice Job!
Java- Nice Job! Your essay was very informative. I enjoyed that you brought up the similarities of Bernard’s character and people in our world today. Connections like these are vital in AP essays. That is definitely something I will keep practicing in my own writing. I am not sure if it is just me, but I feel like there is a lot of summarizing going on. Other than that it was good. ☺
Marisol- Good Job! I enjoyed reading your approach to the essay. Kudos to you for mentioning that Bernard truly is the closest the reader gets to a real human person. I feel like I knew where you were going, but got a little lost in the process, maybe less summarizing and more of your ideas… Anyhow you did a good job on comparing humans of our world with Bernard and the other characters.
Amara- Nice Job! The fact that your essay prompt was different than all the other essay’s I have read made me very happy! In your essay you dive right into what you are going to talk about, no fluff, just facts. I have trouble doing that sometimes so kudos to you! I also liked how you added examples from the text to support your essay. Very well written, and I know you stopped at 50 minutes, but reading more of it would be very interesting! ☺
Lesther- You have very good ideas and great thoughts that tie into your prompt very well. One thing I would suggest is to get to your main idea a little quicker. No worries that is something I myself have to work on. The structure of the essay was a little shaky, but I honestly think this is a great and interesting topic that you can tackle! I wish you luck! Nice job so far.
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